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I would day dream of what my wedding would look like since a young girl. I knew of the color my dress would be, the flowers that would spread from top to bottom and of course my venue. After my experience with a beach wedding, I absolutely fell in love with solidifying my union near the water. This dream stuck with me for as long as I can remember. That was the end goal for me, to find love, get married and live our life in harmony. It's funny how God works. We typically receive what we need before we begin to receive the very things we want. We're usually given the proper tools for foundational purposes way before anything else. And there are in fact those moments, where God fully will bless you with a life changing moment from left field. Nonetheless, everything is actually always in alignment and by a Divine plan. So you can imagine how motherhood scared me just a little. It wasn't a path I imagined or saw myself engaged with. It actually did bring some fear to my spirit. I couldn't see myself with such a huge responsibility. It wasn't something I thought of myself doing, mothering and birthing. It was an unfamiliar territory. Whereas marriage I felt prepared. Marriage was something I prepared myself for since being a child. Marriage was what I always dreamed of. Marriage was the goal. Marriage was the answer. Or so I thought. God works in ways where we're presented with what is needed vs our wants. I became a mother and rather quickly things began to just make sense. I'm not even going to say it took place after the birthing side of things. Because that alone turned my world upside down, in the most beautiful transformational ways. I know it was a blend of things. I came into full contact with my power as a woman to carry, birth and nurture. These same traits that I have carried throughout my romantic relationships were now being shifted into the spaces of motherhood. A uncomfortable yet familiar place all at the same time. As I grew to learn, it was my experience along with the journey in itself that led me, back to me. Being a mother felt like the dream all along. It begin to feel like this is where I've been needed. I always believed, and still till this day, believe motherhood was my first initiation. The way I've had to learn, study, grow, release and receive everything that I have, has completed shifted me as a woman. And it wasn't through a marriage where I have felt this kind of love and endearment. Motherhood has always felt like a welcome home gathering. It's where everything has came up for me, rooted from the hidden spaces of childhood to the dark spaces of adulthood. Everything has rose to thr surface during my seasons as a Mother. While facing these challenges, I've never once gave up and gave into the narrative of things being too much. I've attested long ago that in this journey, I'm being carried, I'm being held and that's the way that God has designed my journey to be. It's when I feed into the overwhelming moments that sometimes I allow, my own ship to rock back and forth. I then forget I withhold the answers. I then forget how God has hand selected me. I then forget how much motherhood is a honor. I then forget how I will never be forsaken. I then forget how supported I am. I then forget that this was everything I didn't know I needed. And in those moments everything starts falling into place. The dreams I've had to live a married life, turned into visions of a single life inspired by myself and travel. I wanted to experience the world and write. The dreams have now transpired into, life as a Mother. A divine mother, with a purpose beyond my wildest dreams. And the responsibility to raise, guide, love, support, nurture, teach, protect, provide for and cherish the most beautiful beings I've ever met. God chose me. God believed in me. God selected me with the intentions that I am capable and I hold the magic and power to make anything happen here. Through healing myself and watching the best parts of me come to bloom, I've come to know just how good it can get. What I wanted vs what I needed, has allowed me to grow in ways outside of myself. I've had to surrender to being stripped completely, to build myself back up and meet myself from a new standing point. I've had to release, get clear on my beliefs and become grounded in my foundation. Motherhood can feel like the weight of the world. It can feel like a wrecking of your brain as you're figuring things out and planning things. The emotional waves will rise and the tears do come. However in the mist of all the crazy being a mother. It still is, and will forever be the greatest love, and life experience for me. God sent this to me and that's the greatest gift of all. The biggest blessing and that alone keeps me well, reminded And guided.